Elizabeth Lotardo 01:41
Might as well have said, dear Elizabeth Lotardo, I was prepped. I crushed the interviews. I followed up just short of a professional stalker and then radio silence, and weeks later I saw that company repost the job without ever rejecting me. They just acted like I never existed, and I spiraled like maybe I shouldn’t have done a college. Maybe I should just start a firearm. Totally spiraled over that job rejection. So I get it. The sting sucks and it’s real, and that’s where tip number one comes in. Tip number one, separate the rejection from your identity. Job rejection feels really personal, but most of the time it’s not. It’s at the decision wasn’t really about you. It was about internal budget shifts, random office politics, or the fact that hiring managers, cousins roommate applied last minute and oh my gosh, they’re perfect. Rejection says nothing definitive about you, your worth or your talent.

Elizabeth Lotardo 02:44
Your job right now is to separate what happened from what you make it mean you didn’t get the job. That doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. That doesn’t mean your career is over. That doesn’t mean you peaked in 2017 and should burn your resume to the ground. It means they pick someone else. That’s it. That’s all it means. You can be disappointed, but don’t let rejection rewrite your self-worth story. You still get to decide what comes next. Tip number two, make a brag list. I know it sounds like very essential oils, but stay with me for a second. When your confidence is low, your brain starts deleting all of your wins that you’ve ever had. So we’re going to override that temptation. Open your notes app and title it, reasons I don’t actually suck, and then start writing the projects you’ve nailed, the compliments you’ve got the challenges you overcame, the skills you have that AI can’t do better.

Elizabeth Lotardo 03:47
What is shrinking volume for me, big or small? Write down your wins. Doesn’t even have to be work related. Just all the reasons why you don’t suck, because you don’t. When I do this with my friends or even for myself at first, it’s a major eye roll because it feels so cringey. But after a few minutes you start to remember things like, wait, I did lead that project. Oh, right, I did basically turn around that giant dumpster fire. So this isn’t an ego play, it’s evidence. It’s forcing your brain to remember all the hard things you’ve done before and building the muscle that you can do them again. Tip number three is to catch the spiral. Okay, you didn’t get the job. It sucks. And then your brain starts whispering, I didn’t get this job. I’ll never get a job ever. I’m doomed. I should delete my LinkedIn and move into the woods.

Elizabeth Lotardo 04:42
That is called catastrophizing. Your brain goes straight from a single no to an entire doomsday scenario in a nanosecond, and it’s really hard to stop it, but one way you can get out in front of it is to notice it, name it, and neutralize it. And here’s what I mean. When that starts to spiral, you get, aha, this is it. This is the spiral she talked about in the podcast. Tell yourself this is my anxiety trying to protect me. Let me focus on what I can control right now. Neutralize that spiral before it gets out of control because it’s exponential. The longer you let it go, the harder it is to tame. That’s true in the micro, like a single moment. It’s also true in the macro if you’ve been spiraling for several months or even years. So pointing yourself to what you can control might mean sending one more application or reaching out to one more person.

Elizabeth Lotardo 05:36
Or it might mean taking a walk, drinking some water, turning off Instagram for a while. Progress doesn’t always feel productive because it feels like surely if I just keep hitting, apply, apply, apply, then things will change. But that progress of grounding yourself mentally, emotionally, it still counts and it’s arguably more impactful than it hitting apply for time, number 1 billion because when your brain is more relaxed, you show up better, you come up with better ideas, you forge more authentic relationships. All the things we know are so crucial for landing your next role. So when your spiral starts, do not follow it, acknowledge it, redirect it. Tip number four, lead yourself, especially right now. Sometimes you just want someone else to tell you that it’s going to be okay, that you’re talented and resilient and it’s all going to work out and that’s great when it happens, and it happens a lot of the time really early in a job search, and then it starts to fade and towards the middle and the end of a job search, you have to be the one to tell that story to yourself.

Elizabeth Lotardo 06:42 
Leading yourself through this means deciding, especially in these low moments that you still believe in your potential, that you still trust your ability to figure it out, that you’re not reaching out, hoping someone lifts you up. You’re using your hands to build a ladder. And of course, external validation is ideal, but don’t wait for some parade before you start showing up for yourself. If you wait for the world to prove your worth, you’re going to be waiting a long time. So if you are in dreaded rejection land right now, I want you to know this. This is where the real confidence is built, not in the offer letter, but in the waiting. Not when someone else chooses you, but when you decide to choose you anyway. This is the part where I remind you, you don’t have to fake a good mood. You don’t have to do some toxic positivity ritual, but you do have to stay on your own side.

Elizabeth Lotardo 07:47 
This is hard, but you are built in the hard treating yourself like someone worth investing in ups, the odds that someone else will invest in you. It’s not delusion self-leadership. So let’s recap. Number one, it’s not personal. Decouple them. Do not let this rejection define your identity. Number two, make a brag list. Keep the receipts of all the reasons you actually are great and deserve a great job. Number three, catch that spiral. Name it and redirect it. Number four, lead yourself, especially when it’s hard, you’re allowed to be frustrated and tired, but you’re not allowed to give up on yourself. You made it through a hundred percent of this crappy job search journey that is a perfect record of survival and the version of you who lands the right role, the one that values you, that lights you up, that pays really well. They’re going to look back to this moment and say, thank you for not giving up in that day. So yeah, rejection hurts, but it doesn’t get the final word you do. You’ve got this, and if you feel like you still don’t have it yet, fake it until your nervous system catches up. Thanks for being here.